literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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