There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
