You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
