i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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