Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think i have two assholes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
