dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
