my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
