this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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