i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
