So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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