Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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