We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it hurts more in the daytime
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
