butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
