I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
