Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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