I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
