She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
