i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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