3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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