I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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