he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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