i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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