DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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