Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
