So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
