Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
