Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
