he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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