better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
