i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
