I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
