Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
