i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
