careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
