i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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