oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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