I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
