I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
