i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
