I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
