Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
3pm strippers are depressing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
