I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
