I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
