Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
