You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
