just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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