A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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