you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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