Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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