i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
