y did u give ur computer a hand job?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
