I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
