dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
