feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
