Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
