4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
