it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
