i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
