I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
