Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
