i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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