the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
