Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
