i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
