I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
