Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
