she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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