I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
