I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
