she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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