fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
