its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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