I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
