I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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